Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
