some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
