Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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