living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
