Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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