Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
