Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
