I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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