Im at strip club and am horny
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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