I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
