soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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