Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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