i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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