How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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