He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
