In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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