took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
