i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
