I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize