No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
