I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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