Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
