I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
