i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
