Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my being single is dangerous.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
