I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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