I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
