she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
