im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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