I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
