I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We need to feng shui this bitch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
