I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
