My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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