I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
