if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
