i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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