you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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