TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
