she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
