..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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