were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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