i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Randomize
