you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
