I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
