Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
