I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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