My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
