my phone needs a breathalizer
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize