My friends, they love my intelligence
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
