I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You need Xanax blowdarts
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
