I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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