Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
