everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize