when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
