That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
