Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
