I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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