When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
