im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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