an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
