i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
