Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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