think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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