I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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