I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
