Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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