He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
