Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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