I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
