I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
