Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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