We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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