someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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