do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize