so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize