While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
