If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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