he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
