Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
