I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
