The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
