dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
